A Friend of Bill asked me:
“Okay be honest: how do you do your nightly inventory?”
Great Question. So I unpacked it for her.
Here is my reply.
DANGER: Might be TMI for some of you.
I hope it helps just One who suffers as I did.
Great Question: I drank so I could sleep! Seriously!
My “feces” committee would not leave me alone in the dark.
Every possible way the Accuser could tell me I was…and I quote:
“A lousy Father
A Lousy Husband
A Lousy Business Partner
A Lousy Son.
A Lousy Friend!”
Terrible Dreams about people I know, My own Family….
…betraying and abandoning Me! I’m in a room of friends, and
No-one acknowledges me. Oh… they know I’m there..
.They are just saying I’m not important to their lives.
I thought it was god talking to me.
Then, Jesus Mugged me. I realized that voice was the voice of The Accuser. (thx Michael Meggison)
The Accuser had done to me what he had done to Adam & Eve: Deceived me by telling me…
“GOD’s covenant with me was optional.”
I believed HE didn’t really Love me unconditionally.
Then Jesus steps in and says:
“Mac…you are mine. I love you unconditionally.
I am always completely Proud of all you Do…
…when you do it in MY name.”
Then I take that days inventory to ask for forgiveness and repentance of how I have sinned against HIM.
I ask HIM to remove my selfishness,
resentment & Fear.
Then, He grants me forgiveness and says…
“Mac, Act as if I’m ALWAYS standing next to you,
holding your hand.
When you are about to “think of, say
or do something”
you know I would not be a part of…
I feel you let go of my hand in Shame and Fear.
Mac, I will never make you feel Shame or Fear.
That comes from The Accuser…never me.
I am here to always tell you:
Mac, YOU are a Son of a Risen King.
Created by me…to be You.”
That’s my nightly nite-nite prayers and meditation…
every night when I go to rest with HIM.
In the Dark, he holds me and tells me He Loves Me.
Sleep like a baby (most nights.)
At least that’s what works for me.